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Talk to some body that has got some thing rare and very precious. Ask him/her to show you that object. The probability is that it will be postponed for some other day. If you dare to ask whether it is for sale, you may be asked to please walk out. The person is very possessive about that object and does not want it to come in contact with others under any circumstances. Possessive lovers are like that.

In the beginning, the beloved who feels possessed feels very good and elated. She/he thinks that their beloved values them very highly. That is also true. But after some days, they start getting stifled. They want their freedom. They want to meet friends, attend get to gathers, go around and be on their own for some time. That is not allowed by their so-called master/mistress.

This may break the relationship after sometime, resulting in great pain the in possessive lover. Why do people become possessive lovers? It must be some kind of a complex that makes them feel very afraid that some body will snatch away their beloved. Or they are equally worried that their darling may leave if given freedom. Possessive lovers feel insufficient in themselves. By possessing their lover, they feel having become complete. But this is not love that can give any joy. This is more like imprisoning the object of love.

Unless the possessive lover drops the defense and becomes open and more confident, there is no future for such relationships. They need to develop a different attitude. That should be to give joy to there object of love and not posses them.

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Posted by Love Poet at 8:10 AM | Comments

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by: James Sniechowski

Chances are you never thought you needed to be rescued from romance. In fact, you probably feel you need more romance in your life, not less. The truth is that most hearts are broken in the painful difference between the possibility of real romance and the insistence on the fantasy of romance -- with the real thing taking the loss.

Recovering from romantic fantasy is based on your willingness to accept who you and your partner are -- without deceit, without drama, without all of the false puffery so many of us put around our images of love, relationship and intimacy. Recovering from romantic fantasy does not mean living without it. It means you will have, perhaps for the first time in your life, the chance to experience reality-based romance that is meaningful, fulfilling, passionate and can actually help create a relationship you can trust and delight in. This kind of romance -- real romance -- can fill your soul with the feeling and knowledge that you are loved for who you are, just as you are, and it can inspire you to love deeply and fully in return.

What can you expect should you decide to recover from swept-away romantic fantasy? Here's an example.

Judith: One evening, we bought a special pie for a friend, to thank him for a favor he'd done for us. It was a strawberry-banana cream pie with a collar of sculpted whip cream around the top. Careful not to tip it, Jim set it on the floor of the car behind the driver's seat and we made our way home.

The day had been particularly difficult for Jim, and he was feeling raw and vulnerable. When we got home, he picked up the pie and the box caught on the edge of the seat, tumbled over and landed top down. It was that kind of day. He looked to me and timidly said, "Maybe it'll be okay." He opened the box and the pie, of course, was demolished, more like strawberry-banana-cream porridge. Jim slumped.

I was angry that the pie had fallen and shocked when Jim announced it might have survived intact. I knew better. How could he not have? But, more importantly, I knew Jim was suffering. I understood what he was going through. So, I put my arm around him and told him, "It's a mess, isn't it? I'm so sorry..... Let's get another one later."

It was a moment of real romance that left both of us feeling whole and human, compassionate and connected, loved and loving. In contrast to the grandiosity of romantic fantasy, we were just in our garage with a fallen pie, and yet we both experienced a sense of grace and beauty and a special bond of intimacy.

Can you picture yourself sitting around dreaming up a romantic fantasy where a dropped pie leads to heartfelt love? Most people, being honest, would have to say, "No." That's just not how romance is thought of in our culture. Besides, romantic fantasy always ends up being punitive. It is contemptuous of "fallen pies." It's dismissive of human imperfection, derisive of anything that doesn't reach the lofty heights of romantic bliss.

Real romance comes from beyond what you already know. It's spontaneous, unrehearsed and open-hearted. It's about what's happening in the moment, about the attention and affection between two people.

When you're open to the heightened awareness of real romance, a vivid, even ecstatic experience can spring from any unexpected moment. If you try to hold onto it, you cancel your invitation for life to catch you off guard and take you into the deepest places of your heart and soul.

(Excerpted from The New Intimacy, Health Communications Inc.)

About The Author:
Judith Sherven and James Sniechowski share the secret of life-long romance. Be sure to get your copy of their Free 1 hour teleseminar "Keeping Romance Alive," and find out how. Just go to: http://www.judithandjim.com

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Posted by Love Poet at 10:01 AM | Comments

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Any online dating site will tell you that uploading your photo can increase your chances tenfold.

Why should you have a photo in your personal ad online?

Here are top 4 reasons:

1. You get more responses to your ad
2. People are more likely to answer your messages
3. You appear more credible
4. You can influence people’s opinion about you

Now let’s consider those four points in more detail.

1. YOU GET MORE RESPONSES TO YOUR AD
Most members only view ads of members who have photos in their profiles. If your profile does not have one, you are not even in the search results.

Some online dating sites also send newsletters to members with ads of new members who joined recently. If your ad does not have a photo, you may not make it.

2. PEOPLE ARE MORE LIKELY TO ANSWER YOUR MESSAGES
Good-looking people (who obviously have photos in their personal profiles) receive lots of mail. If you are writing to someone attractive and don’t have a photo in your profile, your message is likely to be ignored.

3. YOU APPEAR MORE CREDIBLE
When you do not have a photo in your personal ad on the dating site, it looks like you are either hiding something or you are too lazy to have one taken. Either way, it’s not good for your success on the dating site. If you are concerned about privacy, you can take a photo in sunglasses or from a distance, this will be better than having no photo at all.


4. YOU CAN INFLUENCE PEOPLE’S OPINION ABOUT YOU
This is the biggest advantage of all. When people view personal ads online, photos are the most interesting part, both for men and women. Men mostly look for beauty, women for personality shining through.

People try to figure out your personality by looking at your photos. If you appear happy, easygoing, open and warm, they will be naturally drawn to you. If you appear stiff, reserved, timid and insecure, they will feel repulsed. Look at your photos from this point of view, and if your photos don’t flatter you, get new pictures.

You can use a webcam or take a photo of yourself with your mobile phone camera – this will only take you a couple of minutes. This is what most people do.

But if you want BETTER than average results, then consider going an extra mile - this always pays off.

Spend a day to get the right photos, and you may set up your love affair for life! Don’t you think it’s worth it?

Get a friend with a digital camera to take a few hundreds of photos of you in different settings. Make sure you are dressed neat and stylish, and use open body language (no crossed legs or arms, no barriers between you and the viewer, relaxed, comfortable pose, and a lovely smile).

Choose a dozen or so photos where YOU like yourself the most, and then show them to your friends of the OPPOSITE gender. Usually there will be one or two favorites: use them in your Internet personals ads.

Having the right photo in your online dating campaign is crucial. It can make a difference between choosing from dozens of people competing for your attention and not having a date for the Saturday night.

Update your photo in your Internet personals ad and check the difference – it can be staggering!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Elena Solomon has been involved in online dating since the early days of WWW. She is the exclusive dating consultant of Soulmades.com.au – Internet personals for singles seeking love, romance, relationships and fun.

Elena is the author of "12 Simple Rules for Success in Love, Life and Online Dating". For a limited time, you can get this popular e-book absolutely FREE at http://www.soulmades.com.au/freebook/ (normally sells for $49.95).

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Posted by Love Poet at 4:40 AM | Comments

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Speaking Your Truth to Your Partner

Mark sought my help because he was thinking of leaving his wife, Linda. He had not been feeling in love with Linda for a long time, but they had two children and he really didn't want to break up the family.

"Mark," I asked, "Were you ever in love with Linda?"

"Yes, at the beginning of our relationship."

"Then what happened?"

"Linda seemed to get really insecure once I started my new business and had long work days. Even though I think I gave her a lot of attention on the weekends, she started getting angry pretty much every day. Then after our son was born, she seemed even more unhappy and irritable. She gets mean when she's angry and I just don't find that appealing. I don't feel close to her anymore."

"Have you said anything to her about this?" I asked.

"No," he replied. "She already seems so unhappy. I don't want to hurt her feelings."

"So how do you handle it?"

"I guess I just sort of shut down and pretend that everything is okay. But I'm spending more and more time at work because I don't like being at home and recently I met another woman that I'm attracted to. I realize I've got to do something about this."

"Do you really think that leaving her will cause less hurt than telling her your truth?"

"Well, if I just leave then I don't have to deal with her hurt."

"Mark, that's a lack of courage and integrity. And you have two children to think about. You once loved Linda and it's possible that you could again, but only if you are willing to be honest. You need to give Linda a chance to deal with this. She has no idea what's going on. She might decide to deal with her anger, or she might not, but at least give her a chance to make that decision. And relationship problems
are never one-sided. Perhaps she has things to say to you too."

Mark decided to tell Linda the truth, even though he was really scared. He told her that her anger was pushing him away, and that he didn't like being home anymore because he felt so blamed and controlled by her. He told her that he was attracted to another woman who was treating him with kindness and caring, and that he wanted this from Linda. He told her he had been thinking of leaving and had sought my help and that I told him to tell the truth. He asked her if she would join him in counseling.

Linda was shocked. She had no idea all this was going on with Mark. She thought she was the only one feeling so unloved in the relationship. At first she reacted exactly as Mark feared, with anger, hurt, and blame. But he told her the truth about this too – that he had been afraid to be truthful with her because of this reaction, and that if she wanted the truth, she need to be open to it rather than closed and angry. Finally Linda heard him and they were able to talk honestly for the first time in years. Linda was actually relieved at hearing the truth, once she got over the initial shock and they were able to talk. She agreed to counseling.

In counseling, Mark discovered that Linda also had been afraid to be honest with Mark, fearing that he would withdraw even more. She was just as afraid of his withdrawal as he was of her anger. They discovered that both of them had been protecting against their fears rather than being open to learning with each other. As they both opened to learning, the love gradually came back into their relationship.

People often believe that they are withholding their truth to spare their partner pain, but their real intent is to protect themselves from the response they fear. Protecting against pain – with anger, withdrawal, and blame - will always bring about the very pain we fear, while opening to learning and speaking our truth opens the door to love.

About The Author:
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and "Healing Your Aloneness." She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone Sessions Available.

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Posted by Love Poet at 10:46 AM | Comments

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Have you been dating for a long time but felt that something is still lacking somewhere? Not understanding your partner well enough? The chances are, both of you are likely still stuck at the very initial stage of a relationship. Well give it a thought. Recall the conversations between both of you in your recent dates or so. What was it that both of you discussed about? The plot of a movie? What happened during work? The recent fashion sales? Your neighbour’s new born puppies? Gossiping about your friends? Last evening soccer match?

Notice something about the examples I gave? These are all the usual casual topics that you would have also discussed with your friends. Discussions that do not have direct impact on your personal life.

In a relationship, it’s not about how well or how long you knew each other but rather how well you understand each other? Understanding your love, someone whom you are going to share the rest of your life with.

Well, if in the first place you don’t even have a clue on your partner’s personal life, how will you able to understand each other well? It is through the willingness to share, sharing of your personal life with each other that builds the trust and bond between both of you, strengthening the relationship.

Wouldn’t you love to know more about your partner? Something more personal about him or her? I am sure you do. Well, you can start off by sharing yours, perhaps sharing the problem that you are facing, seeking for your partner’s advice. Think about it, wouldn’t you be happy to know that your partner is willing to share his or her personal problem, having that trust in you? I am sure you will be more than willing to give your support, helping your partner in anyway, to make him or her happy, wouldn’t you?

Be it happiness or unhappiness; be willing to share it with one another. Believe me, you will learn to cherish and appreciate the company of one another.

Rick Valens Staff Writer for loveletterbox.com, Love Relationship Discussion Forum

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Posted by Love Poet at 8:44 AM | Comments

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Overcoming Fears of Intimacy
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Sam, age 42, had never been married. It's not that Sam hadnever fallen in love. But every time a relationship had started to move toward commitment, Sam ran.

When Sam's loneliness became overwhelming to him, he called me for help.

"I want to be in a relationship, yet every time I get close to someone, I run away. I'm not even sure what I'm so afraid of, but I must be terrified of something!"

"Sam, what happens inside you when you like someone?" The following answer and resulting dialogue came out over time, but I've condensed it here.

"I think that if this person really knew me, she wouldn't like me. I do all kinds of nice things for her so she will like me. Then after a while I start to feel trapped and I pull back. She gets upset about my pulling back and I then feel even more trapped. Once she gets mad at me, I stop feeling in love with her. That's when I decide she is not the right one for me. This has happened over and over."

"So the first problem is that you believe that she won't like you when she gets to know you. Out of your fear of rejection, you try to control how she feels about you by doing nice things for her. But then you feel trapped and your fear of engulfment – of being controlled by her and losing yourself in the relationship – kicks in. Then you run. It sounds like your underlying fears of rejection and engulfment are controlling your life and not letting you share love."

"That's exactly right! So what do I do about this?"

Sam was operating from core shame – the false belief that there was something basically wrong with him. As long as he believed that he was inherently flawed and unlovable, he would fear rejection. Out of his fear of rejection, he would give himself up until he felt trapped, and then he would run.

The part of Sam that believed that he wasn't good enough is his wounded self. The basis of the wounded self in all of us is our core shame false belief – the belief that we are inherently flawed. Our wounded self does not know that we are a perfect child of God, an individual expression of the Divine. Because the wounded self operates out of false beliefs rather than from the truth of who we really are, it
wants to control how people feel about us. Sam needed to develop a loving Adult part of himself – a part of himself connected to a spiritual Source of love and truth – in order to heal his core shame.

The Six Step Inner Bonding process is a profound process for developing the loving Adult and for healing the fears and limiting beliefs of the wounded self. As Sam started to practice Inner Bonding, he slowly developed an Adult self who loved and valued his core Self, his true essence. As he developed this inner sense of personal power, he lost his fear of rejection. He saw that if a woman rejected him, it was because of her fears rather than because of his inadequacy or unlovability. Because he stopped taking rejection personally, he stopped fearing it.

Once he stopped fearing rejection, he stopped giving himself up in his attempt to control how a woman felt about him. Once he stopped giving himself up, he stopped feel trapped and engulfed in a relationship.

Over time, by consistently practicing the Six Steps of Inner Bonding, Sam developed a powerful inner loving Adult self and healed his fears of rejection and engulfment. Sam is now happily married with a child on the way.

This did not happen quickly. It took Sam time to heal his false beliefs about his own adequacy and lovability. It took time to develop a personal relationship with a spiritual Source of love and truth. It took time to be in truth with a woman rather than being "nice" to try to control how she felt about him. It took time for him to feel safe in being himself. It took a couple of years of devoted inner work.

But if you were to ask Sam if all the time it took was worth it, he would look at you with shining eyes and a huge grin and you would feel the joy within him. You would have no doubt that it was worth whatever time it took.

About The Author:
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and "Healing Your Aloneness." She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: innerbonding.com.

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Posted by Love Poet at 8:02 AM | Comments

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Ever wondered which is the most sexual and feminine sexual
position?

Well, the award undoubtedly goes to the missionary position! Yes, that old and boring man on top that can bring more satisfaction than you could imagine. No acrobatic positions, no pain and struggle, just complete focus on the pleasure sex should bring to both the partners.

This position is both feminine and erotic. It offers the perfect environment for a woman to feel loved, taken care of and close to you at the same time. The missionary position is also the most comforting to finish for the woman and, with a little communication, for the man as well.

If you're still not convinced maybe you should fine-tune it a little bit.

A couple of hard pillows under her hips and the difference will make her moan with pleasure.

You can gently spread her legs or just suggest her she should wrap them around your waist.

Put one or both over your shoulders and you'll get the effect of a turbo engine.

With some training and patience this position will soon become number one. And all of this because it is perhaps the most adaptable one. Everybody can feel great while making love in the missionary position.

Many women find it easier to have an orgasm in this position because they are more relaxed and don't have to think about their performance as in other positions. All they have to do is close their eyes, sit back and relax while the orgasm slowly surrounds them.

This position can give the woman plenty of clitoral stimulation if the man leans forward thus rubbing his pelvic bone against her clitoris. It also allows the manual stimulation of her clitoris. The missionary position is just great for those who love intimacy during sex as they can remain face to face while making love and enjoy each other as they reach orgasm to the full. The man can kiss and caress the woman, touch her breasts and abdomen while she can touch and rub his head, shoulders, back, and butt.

If at any time during sex in the missionary position you need to make a little change, you can always roll around and shift into a different one without too much trouble. All of this adds variety to a position many consider to dull to bring pleasure.

All in all, the missionary position feels so natural and erotic that it could never become obsolete.

Want to learn even more awesome positions to drive both her and you wild?

About The Author:
Caterina Christakos is a published author and dating coach. Learn how to seduce women now. Go to: http://www.what-women-want.com

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Posted by Happy Mom at 1:54 PM | Comments